So yeah, went off to Club Abstract tonight in my brand new punkish gothlike shirt and sweet jeans. While dancing, and meeting someone whom I did not expect to run into, I had a lot of strange epiphanies which I have not really had in a while. Some which may actually change things, and some which were just useful to have.
For one, I have to admit this is the first time I have gone out in a long time where I have not been drunk or even really intoxicated. After 2 drinks, I switched to bottled water, more because I felt like dancing than because I wanted to "party", for lack of better words. So yeah, but even then I had a chance to ponder things while sweating like mad (The air conditioning was not working), and dancing like crazy to some great retro music. Normally, I do a thought of the day, but lets say this is my thought of the week (For all the days I have missed.)
"There are problems in these days, but none of them are mine." — Shirt from store in the mall (I actually own this shirt now.)
This is really a strange ponderance, and really did not sink into me until I ran into someone which I was hoping personally never to have to encounter again. Mostly because of the issues she has and the strange ability she has to project them onto other people. Humourously this time, I was able to completely ignore it, and go on dancing, enjoying the music and accepting the fact that people have issues. These issues are not mine.
This is not that deep of a realization. I know, but for a guy like me it is something which is more freeing than you would like to believe. It’s very easy to take on other people’s problems. It is even easier to take them on when people use their issues and problems to direct negative feelings towards you. Yet, humourously, it is important to just let these things go. Until they take a swing at you, or attack you physically, it is their problem, and in the words of a good friend, "They can just suck your c**k."
"When you follow your bliss… doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else." — Joseph Campbell
Now this is another thing that came to mind. It sounds so obvious, but today, I actually did this. I rented a car, and drove it around, something I absolutely adore doing. I went to a club and just danced, did not try to "pick up", did not try to "get smashed", just danced. Followed my bliss, and amazingly this is the first time I have come home from a club without feeling depressed or rejected. I even left early, not because I felt ignored or *insert excuse here*, but rather because the club was scorching hot, and I wanted to go home and write this up while it was fresh in my mind. For the first time in years, after a minor incident at work today, I actually followed my bliss. I did what I wanted to, when I wanted to. I bought the clothes I wanted, I rented a car I wanted, I danced all night like I wanted. From all of this, my mind is open tonight in ways that amaze me. I would write it all out here in one entry, but I would rather let everyone who does get anything meaningful out of this (and anyone who does not can well.. you know.) have time to digest it piece by piece.
Finally, and most importantly.
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." — Joseph Campbell.
Just as a note for those who care, expect to see more changes soon in the future. Not only have I lost incredible amounts of weight, gotten different clothes that better fit my attitude (not the attitude of those around me), and reworked some pretty serious mental blocks in my mind, I have decided that it is time for me to change those things that do not matter in my life, the things that I spent inordinate amounts of time scheduling for, and start to do those things that really matter to me. Heck, maybe I will try to become a saleperson at a clothing store even.
(Now, for those of my friends who are anal, you have to understand that any change is a gradual one. I am not dropping university and going to live in a commune suddenly, that would be silly. Yet at the same time, it is probably important for me to really decide what is the life waiting for me, and grasp onto it.)
Now, I know I rambled on, but I thought I would get this out while I still had it fresh in my mind.
So lastly, here is a quote for all of you, each and every single one. To those who believe they have hurt me, to those I have loved, to those who dispise me, to those who are just curious.
"Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning." — Joseph Campbell.
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